“Hello! New Me!”
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Being stuck is a normal part of life, specially when you step into a new role, here is my story…
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I am awaken by kids calling me, I struggle to open my eyes but I get up because that is what moms do. I make breakfast and pack their lunch boxes for school, I get their daily clothes ready and then, then I stand in front of my wardrobe, eyes scanning from left to right top to bottom over and over again, it feels like I am looking but not seeing, minutes ticking by. With every minute I grow more uncomfortable in my own skin, every minute stealing more of my self-love and I get more and more discouraged to get dressed. What do I feel like wearing today? What will really look nice? I don’t think that blouse fits me anymore? I once heard all black will hide your curves, oh yes I wore my all black yesterday! And then, once again I grab the jeans and the oversized shirt. Too much time wasted fighting with myself and not feeling beautiful in my own skin. I don’t know who I am anymore. I have lost myself in motherhood, and I am sure, or I hope I am not the only one.
Over the last three years my biggest struggle was dressing my new “mom” body, nothing fits, or when it does, it does not look good. This had an enormous influence on how I saw myself and how I feel about myself.
The most convenient thing to do was to hide myself in oversized clothes, boring t-shirts or dresses two sizes to big. Not making time for myself because I know I will have to deal with some hard realities, I will feel like a bad mom or I will look selfish. So, I go on with life, oversized clothes, bun on top of my head and sneakers, not to mention make up because it wasn’t even a priority, okay maybe mascara, a bit of lipstick and a little bit of eyebrow tint to show, the effort was there.
This affected my self-esteem in ways I didn’t even realize. I rejected friends, became more needy with my husband, if you are not married yet, this is not a good thing let me tell you. I threw myself into being a Mom, taking all the responsibility upon myself, leaving my husband without a feeling of importance, all because I needed to feed by insecurities somehow. When my kids wasn’t there, I felt invisible, mediocre and shy. All that I knew was, that if there is one thing, I can be a good Mom atleast.
But can you realy be a good human being when you do not take care of yourself?
Michelle Obama once said: “To be a good parent, you need to take care of yourself so that you can have the physical and emotional energy to take care of your family”
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It hit me like a wet fish in my face, and there it was, a little fire starting in my belly again. Thank you, Michelle!
What does taking care of yourself mean to you? How does it look? How do you look? How do you feel? Taking care of yourself is obtaining the self-awerness of what is going on in your head and heart, then having the decernment to know what is the real truth and then having the dicipline to change your thoughts to allign with who you really are.
My perpective had to change, it wasn’t always easy because of the lies we tend to believe but now I know, I wasn’t alone, and you are centainly not alone. You can too, become who you where destined to be.
Taking care of yourself too, is not selfish it is self-love. It is knowing when you need a break, it is taking time for yourself to recharge and find your centre again. It is going for a cup of coffee and piece of cake by yourself (guilt free!), or with a friend. It is getting a hobby that you do alone without your kids or husband. It is buying something for yourself that you really want, and not neccessarily need. It is making decisions where you take yourself into consideration also.
Believe me sister, I know it is difficult and it is a whole diffrent mindset you have to cultivate. I do believe I have a secret to help you with your first step.
Have a look what other people say about you, the best occasion is your birthday (This is where my Ah-Ha moment happend).
5 April 2020, I turned 30, and that day I decided that all the wishes I receive will be my guide to finding myself again, loved ones will remind me of who I am!
My journey has been amazing, getting to know myself again, the sunshine, the laughter, the servant, the leader and the chosen child of God. I returned like the prodigal son. Inside the transformation was real, raw and breathtaking but still on the outside I was stuck on oversized clothes reminding me of my dark time and the only thing left to do was CHANGE it.
Ever heard of WAKE UP, DRESS UP AND SHOW UP? That is exactly what I did, and everything around me started to chance. My friendships grew stronger, me and my husband fell in love again and now I am one super good mom.
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Pinterest became my best friend. I searched for outfits that I liked and figured out how I can get that look with the clothes I already had in my wardrobe. Day by day it became easier. My time spent infront of my wardrobe got less and my confidence grew. Somedays I had to ask my husband for advice, this helped me to find out what he also likes. I learned that he, infact, does not like my oversized style and he wants me to show more curves, be more feminine.
Just like the butterfly effect, change has to happen a few times before the butterfly reaches the fullness of being a butterfly. Today, I want to encourage you. Start small, but start. Make sure you physically show your transformation by how you dress and respect yourself.
Do this exercise when you take 5 minutes for yourself. Close your eyes, take five deep breaths, in and out. Now envision yourself as the best version of yourself, in detail. How do you look? what clothes are you wearing? What shoes are you wearing? How does your hair and make up look? What jewelry do you have on? How do you smell?
Feel your beauty in your heart, feel your confidence growing, feel the warm love for yourself burning in your heart. You have the feeling of worthiness, wholeness and “enoughness”. Nothing can shake you, you are not scared, you are not doubtful. You are strong. You are fulfilled. You are unique and that is your superpower. This is the feeling you to cultivate in your daily living.
The ultimate you, is not someone who is far far away, she is locked up inside of you, you just need to acknowledge her, you need to listen to your inner voice, she will guide you on becomming the best version of yourself. You will be led to the right people to help you uncover your true self and support you on your journey of becoming the bride of Christ.
Two of my favourite quotes are: “If you are only concerned about the outside, you will bleed form the inside” – Frank Rautenbach and “Elegance is when the inside is as beautiful as the outside” – Coco Chanel, these quotes are relevant to any girl or woman not matter what your age.
I want to encourge you.
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Love yourself enough to take care of yourself; inside and out. Reach out for help, we are not made to fight our battles alone, pick up your phone and message the one friend that just popped into your head. It is the small changes that can make a big diffrence, one size smaller, a little bit more make up, a little more posetive self-talk day by day.
I am awaken by kids calling me, I open my eyes and I get up because that is what moms do. I make breakfast and pack their lunch boxes for school, I get their daily clothes ready and then, then I stand infront of my wardrobe, choosing myself, loving myself and I choose clothes to show the world who I am. I take 15 minutes and I make an effort with my make-up and hair. I can feel the fire burning in me, feminine, strong and worthy.
This could be you too.